its the bloody idiot desire to eat ice cream vanilla..
end up looking at the window...
telling myself its too late already to have an ice cream..
in the middle of the night..ahahhah....
haiiyyyaaa...
wake up la ct nur...aiiyyyyoooo...
ahhahahha....

On a dark desert highway Cool wind in my hair Warm smell of colitas Rising up through the air Up ahead in the distance I saw a shimmering light My head grew heavy, and my sight grew dim I had to stop for the night There she stood in the doorway I heard the mission bell And I was thinking to myself This could be Heaven or this could be Hell Then she lit up a candle And she showed me the way There were voices down the corridor I thought I heard them say
Welcome to the Hotel California Such a lovely place Such a lovely place (background) Such a lovely face Plenty of room at the Hotel California Any time of year Any time of year (background) You can find it here You can find it here
Her mind is Tiffany twisted She's got the Mercedes Benz She's got a lot of pretty, pretty boys That she calls friends How they dance in the courtyard Sweet summer sweat Some dance to remember Some dance to forget So I called up the Captain Please bring me my wine He said We haven't had that spirit here since 1969 And still those voices are calling from far away Wake you up in the middle of the night Just to hear them say
Welcome to the Hotel California Such a lovely Place Such a lovely Place (background) Such a lovely face They're livin' it up at the Hotel California What a nice surprise What a nice surprise (background) Bring your alibi's
Mirrors on the ceiling Pink champagne on ice And she said We are all just prisoners here Of our own device And in the master's chambers They gathered for the feast They stab it with their steely knives But they just can't kill the beast Last thing I remember I was running for the door I had to find the passage back to the place I was before Relax said the nightman We are programmed to receive You can check out any time you like But you can never leave....
u can never leave....

the words i dedicate them to my abg..the new abg..

specially for u...

may u read this and try to really understand deeply...

Fly
fly little abg..
Fly beyond imagining
The softest cloud
the whitest dove
Upon the wind of heaven's love
Past the planets and the stars
Leave this lonely world of yours
Escape the sorrow and the pain
And fly again

Fly
fly precious one
Your endless journey has begun
Take your gentle happiness
Far too beautiful for this
Cross over to the other shore
There is peace forevermore
But hold this memory of bittersweet
Until u'll meet

Fly,
fly do not fear
Don't waste a breath,
don't shed a tear
Your heart is pure,
your soul is free
Be on your way,
don't wait for anybody
Above the universe you'll climb
On beyond the hands of time
The moon will rise,
the sun will set
But just forget..

Fly,
fly little wing
Fly where only angels sing
Fly away, the time is right
Go now,
find the light..


take ur time my abg..but do no spend so much time till u dont have anymore time left....
that will make u regret them when u're 40 years from now...
have faith in me so that i can have faith in you..
even u hate the sentence..i'll just will say it to u many times more afterwards...ahahhah..
"PLEASE JUST TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOURSELF,ABG..."

what would i do when i do not know??
will i let them go?
well..i wont let them go..
or maybe..
i should let them go..
or even maybe..
i could not let them go..
if it is maybe..
i should let them go..
well maybe..
i just cant bear let them go..
because maybe i just will them go
simply hardly because i just cannot handle on letting them go...??

which one better?
good enough if u have the choices..
at least u can choose..
what if the choice are all not for choosing..
but for punishing..??

who will answer?
who wil ever answer?
or maybe the right question is..
"who would like to answer it for the rest of my life??"

1. 
   
   
6. aduh....

it just reaaaallly made my eyes open..
i was on my way to my campus..with my mom.
of course got to send my mom to the office first..
well..then, on the way to the office..i was using a highway..which i know will jam giler at this time around...(7 am ++)

so,my mum and me dicided to take the short cut (even we din really sure..but pnah tgk other kete lalu la)...actually jln dlm sebelah highway jer..
so, bile ade exit kiri.just masuk dgn confidence..
its jalan bertanah merah..
dlm hati..i started to scold myself..(damn ! abis kete aku)..
Anyway..we both tempuh jugak la even my mum din cnfident on da road itself..i said.."sokay mum..ade jalan kuar ni nnt..dpn tu jer."
Well.yup tre's a jln kuar..but, after i almost jahanamkan my car...coz got to seberang like a parit yg berlekuk giler..aiihhh...bp kali aku beristigfar..entahla...luckily lepas gak kete tu..thanks allah..

NOT to finish till that..then i terpaksa gak kuar balik jln highway..coz dh xde jln till ujung..aihh...so,bile masuk balik highway tu..xsampai 5 min..trus tempuh jam..which means i have to tempuh jugak..till the traffic lights..gosh..it such a terrible traffic lights..plus..org berpusu2 nk g keje..so,,paham2 jele..sabor besar aku pg td..aih..
Then, while tgu jam tu...i started tu muhasabah diri balik about what i've been through just now..(even though dok membebel sama skali ngn my mum la kan...ehhehe..)

So, the moral of da story is...."WALAU PUN KITE CUBE SEDAYA UPAYA KITA UTK DPTKAN APA YG KITA MAHU..ANDAI ALLAH TIDAK PERKENANKANNYA..IA TETAP TAKKAN DAPAT KITA MILIKI ATAU KECAPI..DAN, PASTI ADA HIKMAH KE ATAS SETIAP YG BERLAKU.."

ouch...touching la..deeply touched by the experience..emm..anyway, gud day to all..

allah know what best for us..believe in that..:-)

About me??lets try it ..

FEBRUARY
*Abstract thoughts *Loves reality and abstract *Intelligent and clever *Changing personality *Temperamental *Quiet, shy and humble *Low self esteem *Honest and loyal *Determined to reach goals *Loves freedom *Rebellious when restricted *Loves aggressiveness *Too sensitive and easily hurt *Showing anger easily *Dislike unnecessary things *Loves making friends but rarely shows it *Daring and stubborn *Ambitious *Realizing dreams and hopes *Sharp *Loves entertainment and leisure *Romantic on the inside not outside *Superstitious and ludicrous *Spendthrift *Learns to show emotions. (gosh...seriyesly betul la plak..ahahhah..kebetulan ler kot..)

February 9th - February 18th = Green
GREEN
You get along well with new people. You are not really a shy person, but sometimes you can hurt people's feelings by your words... You like to be loved and noticed by your lover, but mostly you are single, waiting for the right person.(astagfirullah hal azim...serupa nyer ngn aku!!ish...den x cayo la..)

SINGLE UNDERLINE BELOW THE SIGN These persons are very confident and are good personalities. They are a little bit selfish but believe in "Happiness of human life".
TWO DOTS BELOW THE SIGNThese persons are considered to be Romantic, can easily change their fianc�es as if they change their clothes. They prefer beauty in other persons & they themselves try to look beautiful. They easily attract others. (combinations of these two are actually make sense gak kalu nak compare ngn aku la kn..)

Does your name begin with: S?
For you, it is pleasure before business. You can be romantically idealistic to a fault and is capable of much sensuality. But you never loose control of your emotions. Once you make the commitment you stick like glue. You could get jealous and possessive. You tend to be very selfish often regarding yourself as the only human being on the planet. You like being the center of attention. You are very caring, sensitive, private & sometimes very passive. Turned on by soft lights, romantic thoughts. When it gets down to the nitty-gritty, you are an expert. You know all the little tricks of the trade, can play any role, or any game, and take your love life very seriously. You don't fool around. You have the patience to wait for the right person to come along. You are very generous & giving, often selfless. You are kind nature & sweet, which is found to be attractive by many. You are a good friend. (aih..sama jer macam description K yg aku baca td...eemmm...i wonder bende ni merapu je la kot.....ahahha)

Does your name begin with: N? You are emotional and intense. When involved in a relationship, you throw your entire being into it. Nothing stops you; there are no holds barred. You are all consuming and crave someone who is equally passionate and intense. You believe in total freedom. You are willing to try anything and everything. Your supply of energy is inexhaustible. You want to be pampered and know how to pamper your mate. You also enjoy mothering your mate. You often have the greatest love affairs all by yourself, in your head. You are very imaginative. (janganla serupa ngn perangai aku lagi ni..hebat sungguh penganalisa nih.aihh.....alamak..its true la..damn..)

in conclusion..damn true!! xtau la its co incident or ape2 la..anyway...they are damn true!!
(aih...awat dok letak sama plak dlm blog nih..aihhh..confuse aku nih...muahahhah...wengg!!)

WONdeRFuL...

it feels wonderful by the time i met u..
it feels wonderful by the first time ever i met u..
it feels wonderful so strong from ur perfume..
it feels wonderful so strong being together with u..
it feel wonderful like i'm having a great time with u..
it feels wonderful like i do not wanna be apart from u..
it feels wonderful that i alwayz full when i'm with u..
it feels wonderful not to hungry at all..
it feels wonderful that i never get angry..
it feels wonderful that its so comfortable..
its just so wonderful being with u...
how wonderful you are...
om my most wonderful RAMADHAN AL-MUBARAK...

i am sorry..

i didn't know that my word affected u so much abg..
now that i'm here...telling the world that i have one more abg in my life..
that i am now facing someone who i didnt expect i can share things with..
a new entry from u that confess me as ur little sis..
thank u for letting me be the closest one to you..
now that u are my little "loser" but sweet brother..
i am using this blog to thank u..
saying that u trust on me is the most appreciating things so far..
thank u for sharing..
thank u for trusting..
thank u for everything..

anyway...,promise will still be a promise,k...make urself in good condition first..then only u can buy me ice-creams and all those things u've promised me..,k..

and...do not forget!!...the favor i ask u..please have one..then,i'll buy u the number..
so that one coming day..u'll say "this is my number...my little sis bought it specially for me.."
hehhehehe

abg..i'll always pray that allah will make u wake up one day..and if the day come..
i will be the most happy one for u..

ikhlas for my new abg,
**ct nur**

wajadiri....
teamfish...
ikan suhaimi...
psscuhmmu.....muahahhahha..
aja2 fighting..!!!
best2..!!seronok...
kenangan manis...
first time pakai sweater mmu
walaupun pinjam..
tp nampak smart sey...ahahhahha
best2...
kenagan terindah
takkan aku lupa..
a new family of silat cekak hanafi
ade anak2 ikan...of course ade bapak ikan..
cehhh ...hampeh jer
menang emas utk tongkat..lelakinye la kan..ehhehehe
rase mcmaku plak yg menang2...
besh2..
sementara tgu penutup...
sempat lagi main2 ...new game
aku suke2..
hehhehe

namun ada kurangnya..biaasal a...
perit mahu ditelan...tp bisa boleh kuhadapi dgn adanya gelak tawa dr family2 mmu

wajadiri terakhir ku..,
**pawana malam**

demi waktu..langgar langit..
bulan teruntuh purnamanya..
demi hatiku..sanggar ku bingit..
bukan bermusuh berbicara..

akan..
mahu kusimpan..
dalam tangan..
tiap impian..
aku ketagihkan..
tutur percakapannya..
bisa masuk pada cuping ini..
kerna hasratnya menasihati..
kini telah bersemi dlm naluri..

namun..
bila tersumpah...
pada darah dan jiwa megah..
mengingatkan pada tanah..
bahawa tersusun sudah..
bukan serbi murah..
mahu melukut resmi matahari.
megah menberi erti..
kerna kenalkan diri..
yang kurang serba serbi..
bukan layak bagi...
hakiki itu mudarat rohani..

"u are a good person if u feel guilty..."

next topic...
semoga allah tenanggkan hati2 kami..
satukan jalan itu..pada setiap saat dan waktu..
akrab rapat amat..
pada zahir dan rohani taat...
moga allah kabulkan impian hati setiap kami..
pohon kabul impian ku utk berhidup dlm impian itu..
hanya memohon..meminta..
aku lah hamba..kerna hamba tidak sombong meminta...

** kami refers to skuad wajadir MMU cyber..
now that we're here..i'm glad to announce that u are all in my heart..

salam wajadiri..'
**pawana malam**

ok sambung balik,,,

mlm td die call...sembang lama and the conversation turn into a very emotional one..
what can i say.., its just feels good to talk to him..even though by the time he is so "hati kering"..
anyway.. ihave nobody that i think so close to me..for the entah ke berapa kalinya...aku mengadu pada die..dan, this time.its my turn to cry a lot kat die..he's a god shoulder to be cry on..he is the ear.. thanks for being with me in a cloudy and sunny day, abg zul.. i appreciate that..i appreciate you for the all things that you have done..Noww...I'm back!!! The strong and feelingless SITI NUR....

Thanks,
**pawana malam**

KABHI ALVIDA NA KEHNA...???

adakah kita akan berjumpa lagii???
simple meaning...with deep explaination..
actually ini tajuk sebuah crita hindustan..then,aku terasa lak ngn ape yg berlaku dlm hidup aku skrg..means, something that i will lose..am i???
for god sake i really cannot accept "this"..this refer to something that i really cannot replace with anything..nothing can ever replace "this"..

entahla apa yang bergolak dlm hati aku ni sekarang ..??
ptg ni td..mummy ajak aku menziarahi jiran aku kat hospital selayang..
hati aku berang sangat..i do not know why..but it keeps flamiing inside...
what i did was just berdiam diri...but anyway,,suddenly aku marah2...my god..
aku really regret..then...
aku teruskan juga ke Hospital Selayang..
actually, aku ngn jiran ni penah ade masam muke sekejap..pasal kereta..tp bukan libatkan their family pun..actually ngn adik family jiran aku ni..
So, again..try to control myself and i act profesionally..Start drive kereta..
bile parking..then kuar dr lif..walking towards another lif.., aku terpandang satu sudut..
guess who??? its abg zulfadli aizat..my abang..my beloved one..
looking at his face..he was staring away..off the road..perhaps thinking of something ..actually the same thing like i do..we shared so much things together..
alamak..panjang umur die..ni die msg plak ni...till then..,to be continued ekk..hehhehe..
nak gayut jap..tata..

hati merona..,
**pawana malam**

Da Memory......







kegembiraan...
keceriaan...
kesedihan...
kemegahan...
kehebatan..
keakraban..
segalanya...
Kenangan!!!






























sayang..marah..benci..geram..lawak...usikan...mesra..
ziarah...kebiasaan..masa..tempat...perlakuan..perbuatan..
training..meeting..keutuhan..kekusutan..dan akhirnya..perpecahan....

 

Di mana kan ku cari ganti..serupa dgn mu...
i have nobody in this entire life unless u all except my own family...
it feels like very hard..it feels hurt..so much..
till i became numb and feelingless...
will be missing u all..
time flies..
people changes..
road diverged...
in anyhow..still got some hope..
may we meet together in the same road that we taken..
in one coming time..that will lead us to the only single path..
we'll walk together..and forever..

with love,
**pawana malam** 

mengemudi layar kenangan..
pudar dek panahan matahari..
lapuk dek hujan mencurah..
hati nan sanjung..
kemudi itu tersangkut...
lalu diam tanpa layarnya..
namun diri tak bisa menyembunyi..
ceraikan aku talak satu..
dari bercerai begini tak luak dr dlm diri..

buruk2 si kain carik..
buruk lagi hati nan robek..
dikirai sampah atas rakit..
jiwa patah mengandung sakit..

apa dikenang anak selama..
menyelam sendiri tanpa penjaga..
apa ditangis nasibnya paya..
ditambak tanah hilangkan jua..

melihat dari mata kiri..
mata kanan takkan tertutup..
berada jasad dan sekelian hati..
bercerai sebelah takkan kusanggup..

salam perpisahan..,
**pawana malam**

ntahla ape aku nak cakap..
seminggu midterm break yang amat sukar utk kutempuhi..

aku mahu jadi RC competition committee
aku mahu jadi festival tari committee
aku mahu jadi sebahagian dr skuad demo silat utk covo fest..
tap seminggu midterm break yang aku milik…
sbnrnya bukan milik aku…
terlalu banyak yang aku harus uruskan..
ampunkan sahaja aku..
tiada lain kata yang bias keluar dari corong mulut ini..
ampunkan aku wahai ajk RC competition..
ampunkan aku wahai festival tari membes..
ampunkan aku wahai mmu silat gang…

biar aku abadikan dlm blog ini..agar bisa aku baca semula lembaran moden ini..
yang sengaja ku coretkan agar boleh aku kenangi peristiwa sepanjang cuti midterm break first sem utk final year ku ini..

antara yang aku rasakan berat utk kuharungi..
1) TRAGEDI AKU BERSAMA PEMBULI JALAN….teragak2 mahu kubuat report dib alai polis.lalu kutempuh..dan dng kini..hasilnya puas hati…mujurlah ada kaedah D dgn izin allah..silatku tersayang
2) mengendalikan kesibukan preparation kenduri auntie…sehingga kau terpaksa mengenepikan hasratku utk bersama team convo fest dan skuad demo..
3) AKU KEHILANGAN LAGI SEORANG SAUDARA RAPATKU..AUNTIE TIMAH…smoga rohmu dicucuri rahmat…aku berdiri betul2 didpn mayat..selama peristiwamenurunkan mayat keliang lahad..sepanjang menimbuskan tanah jua aku teguh di situ..entahlah…tidak sebutir pun air mataku mengalir..tp pedih pilu hatiku sangat keras..entahla..


ampunkan aku semua di atas janji2 utk membantu dlm setiap aktiviti tertentu..

sebelum tidur..biar aku coretkan sedikit luahan kata ku..
serba biasa..puitis diriku…madah pujangga..

“lelah..penat aku..
dgn bebanan yang harus kutanggung,,
namun ku tahu..diri ini milik semua..
akan kukendong bebanan itu..
takkan kusimpan ke saku..
kerna kusedari..
ku terlihatkan mentari nan berbeda…
ku terpahamkan usia kun an semakin..
tinggalkan zaman kanak-kanakku..
lalu aku lalui setiap dari detik sedih pilu..sibuk selalu..
kutahu…walau aku tak bisa laksanakan akan stiap yg aku pinginkan..
tak kan patut bisa aku biar semua pada org lain..

kerna ku harus sedarkan diriku..
bahawa sesungguhnya kau memang sedar sudah..
bahawa hidup ini bkn milikku..
kerna ianya milik ilahi nan maha kuasa..
diriku jua bkkn milik aku..
kerna aku puny ayah dan ibu..
dan juga tubuhku bukan milik ku..
kerna aku dilahirkan punyai adik sbg tgjwbku…
dan aku dilahirkan dlm keluara yg punya saudara mara ini..
dan kutahu aku mereka butuhkan..
tgjwb tersedia utk ku..

dan aku sedari..
bahawa sedarkanlah setiap dr hasrat dan keinginanku..
bahawa aku ini…seharusnya….
“mengutamakan keluarga dan saudara maraku dlm semua segi..”

salam maaf..,
**pawana malam**

Happy frendship Day!!

Friends..we do not know..
the exact meaning..
the definition..
all we can do is just to predict..
and its good enough if u can predict..
all those acts..
all those memory..

calling someone a FRIEND is easy..
the hardest things is to behave like a Friend...

MEMORIES= once live,they live forever..

eeeemmmmmm.....

buat rakan2..sahabat2..dan member2..
jika hari ini kita bersama2..
jgn terkejut andai kite terpisah nnt..
andai kita hidup..
tp pada jalan yg lain..
pada tugu dn tiang yg lain..
pada hala tuju dan maksud yg berbeda..
perbedaan yg bisa teruntuhkan..
merenggut segala nafas perjuangan..
menusuk setiap langkah..
kerna tak mustahil sejarah hitam..
kan berulang..
bukan pintaku..
bukan jua keinginanku..
namun aku hnyalah manusia..
entah kita kan trus bersama..
atau tidak lagi kan terus bersama..

kerna sesungguhnya..
bukan bidang kita utk melindunginya..
bukan jua kasta kita utk mempengaruhinya..
andai terkorban nyawa sekalipun..
bukan taraf dan darjat kita..
utk menanganinya..

apa yg ada kini..
hanyalah sekalung doa..
agar hati2 kita disatukan..
buat kini dan selamanya..
sesungguhnya ..
amat perit andai ketahui segala..
amat pedih jua pabila tidak mengetahuinya lansung..
dan yg paling pedih..
mengetahui sikit dan terkapai2..
dlm mencari kebenaran..

doaku..
agar hati2 kita diberikan petunjuk kpd kebenaran...
aminn...

sayang....sayang semuanya..
aktiviti..kumpulan2..semuanya..

jiwa kacau..,
**pawana malam**

Lama ...
entah la...
lama memang lama..
tp taklah lama..
taklah berapa lama..
cuma terasa lama..
bila agak lama..
lama yang tidak lama..
walaupun hakikat tiada erti lama..
bila tidak agak lama..
berbanding yang lebih lama..
apalah ertinya..
lama kita yang selama ini..
untuk diukur dgn lama mereka..
walaupun begitu..
tidak kiralah berapa lama..
tidak kan dapat dileraikan..
hati2 nan lama bersama itu...
sekian lama..
sekian..


buat mereka yg lama..
abg khalid...i'll be with u no matter anything happen..i love u for what u are..its just hard for me to be away from u..
abg gafar...its just a challenge to us..not to worry so muchh..i'll give my loyalty as long as i can..
abg2 that had enter my life..i'll always can accept u all for all my heart..it hurts me when u're all not smiling..plz smile for all the things that we have been together..and i'll walk along with u till forever..
my abg zul..i'll trust nobody unless myself..juat as u said..but, wanna let u know that i trust u for all your decision..

lama...love u all..Biro Kostum dan Cenderahati, Biro Kursus dan Group Bonding,BIro Sukan dan rekreasi..
**pawana malam**

awanan jingga..meniti hati..
aku sedih dlm duka..
emosi kah ini..
kerna kecewa..
kepingin menatap..
dan memiliki cebisan memori itu..
andai tiada..jgn kau tabur janji..
kerna janji itu memasak hati..
patuh menanti..kecewa..
aduh kecewa..

amarahkah aku..
atau rontaan rajukku..
mengidam pada gambar2 belaka..
mengapa ku tunggu..
mengapa agaknya kunanti..
andai ia tidak bererti..
jawapan nan pasti..
sedia diketahui..

namun kumalu..
utk menghakikikan rajuk itu..
tp memang hatiku terusik..
kerna janji yg tidak terkota..
lagipula seksa nurani kurasa..
menanti "gambar2" itu..

lalu akibatnya..bkn hanya pada kamu..
bertempias pada sekelian rakan2mu jua..
terus dan terus kurasakan mahu palingkan diri..
dari setiap sms mu..dan rakan2 mu jua..

maafkan aku..
mungkin aku butuh masa..
butuh bersendiri..
biar bisa aku ubati luka ini..
paling tidak..,luka ini butuh masa..
utk lukanya berhenti berdarahan..
kerna kini hatiku bak jingga langit..

kecewa langit jingga,
**pawana malam**

Birthday Tony

Beberapa hari yang lepas...
birthday Tony...

Panggilan biasa aku dan dia.."beb"..
so, HAPPY BIRTHDAY BEB...!!

ct harap awk akan trus berjaya dan berjaya..
semoga hatimu kan tetap dan utuh dlm mengharungi hari2 muak..
ct rindu mahu ketemu sama kamu..beb..
ct juga rindu pada cerita2 yg awk selalu perdengarkan pada ct....

semoga hubungan unik ini tidak akan lusuh...
biarlah ia kekal begini atau lebih baik lagi...

may all your dreams come true,beb...
terima kasih atas aprisiasimu ....

hapy birthday..,
**pawana malam**

apalah nasib aku....

parking kete elok2 jer..tp kenen langgar jugak...
masuk ni dah 3 kali kete aku kene langgar .....
yg paling sadis...kene langgar lari...
alih2 je dah kemik...igt kene bayar gune air liur ker...
pesan aku kpd yg berkereta...
berhati2 lah ngn kete org lain..
kalu salah sendiri..kete sendiri jahanam xpe lagi..
ni langgar kete org...kesian org teraniaya...
alahai...apalah nasibku....

nyanyi skit...
"patahla hati...patahla hati..menangis sendiri...
melihatkan keretaku...hai kemik lah lagi....
memikirkan duit yg bakal nak pergi..
.berbaurlah malu...
bile nak kuar jalan2 nanti....
alahai....hhhhaaaihh....nasib badan.."

org kata..doa org yg teraniaya itu dikabulkan allah..
maka dgn itu..aku berdoa.."semoga allah kabulkan impian ku utk berhidup dlm dunia impianku..
dan semoga impian org sekelilingku termakbul...aminnn..."


salam teraniaya..,
**pawana malam**