eemmm..love is cinta

hai ...

sorry la bz skit akhir2 ni..tenet kat umah plak, splitter bbuat problem..so, susahla skit nk update..
kat ofis, almaklumlah hr senin, bz ler sikit..

anyway, meh nak share sikit pglmn aku tgk movie "LOVE IS CINTA.."

hr sabtu hr tu.., aku pi tgk kat klcc ngn sorg kawan..nice! citer die nice!
walaupun ade unsur2 yg mengarut2...., aku puas la tengok citer tu..
mcm2 feeling ade....boleh buat org nangis, buat org gelak, buat org sayu..buat org terkejut skit, buat org berkerut pun ade..buat org hepi memang ade la..buat org rasa bahagia pun boleh,,then buat org terharu..tu yg best..hehheh

aku actually suka tgk wyg citer2 seram ngn thrill jer..but still, cinta melayu, hindustan pun aku layan..kantonese pun no hal pnye..cuma aku ni kureng skit tgk citer2 yg x real ni..fantasi2..aduh..

every movie yg aku tgk mesti aku pilih utk igt something like falsafah ker...poem ker..ape2 la utk diingati dan dihayati..

In this case, movie ni sbnrnya very simple..yg plg simple ialah????
"TAJUKNYA LAAA..."
"Love is Cinta.."
So sad....the simple ever word...tp susah nak ucapkan..Which is including me lorr....I have never say " i LOVE u" to anyone except my family...even pakwe zmn monyet dulu pun x pernah..
paling hebat..."ct sayang awak juga.." hehehhehe

* credits to someone yg blanje tgk wyg cite "love is cinta..." thnks a lot...hehhehe..

Semalam aku keluar..
ke klcc dgn "seseorg"...
kami tgk wayang..hajat di hati nk tgk "love is cinta"..
tp tiket kul 2.30 dh habis..tinggal kul 5.30 jer...
So, memandangkan kami tak boleh spend time together smpai kul 7 mlm, kami terpaksa la tgk cerita lain..
Dia terpaksa pegi dulu.tlg belikan tiket sbb ade sedara aku dtg umah..
then, he decide which movie...
Dulu, die pernah luahkan isi hatinya..
tp, aku ragu2..
walaupun begitu, kamix pernah putus hubungan..
ya, mungkin on and off..but still, he's in my heart..
sblm tgk wyg, kami mkn float di A&W...
Selama berbual dgn die, kami berbual ttg hal2 yg hepi dn juga ttg hati dn prasaan.
Bkn senang aku nk dedahkan apa yg aku rasa tentang hidup..
Tp dgn dia, everything was so easy..
Tiba2, dlm gelak ketawa,aku mula rasa "perasaan" yg misteri itu muncul..
Bkn setakat muncul..tp memuncak..aku jadik sayu..pilu..sedih dan tak tentu..
Cuma kali ini aku tak lagi gelisah..adakah kerna die yg aku cari sudah ada dpn mata?atau bagaimana?
entah..i dont have the answer...by the way, i feel it so much in front of him..smpai bergenang air mata aku..Seronok berbual dgn die..

Kami punya jiwa yg sama..tp cuma kami tidak punya peluang..Kerna walau kami "dekat", tp kami terpisah "jauh"..
Dia begitu berfalsafah..Die sebenarnya kategori pelik..Sama spt aku yg masih terkapai2..Dn yg penting, die sangat jujur..Die jujur bila menghilang..dan die jujur bila kembali..namun manusia tetap tidak sempurna, die "hilang" masa depannya..

Dan kini, aku ada sedikit rasa kesal kerna meninggalkan die di tengah jalan dahulu..
kata2nya yang aku takkan pernah lupa ialah.."Kita berada di lorong yang sama, cuma kita belum berjumpa..kerna masa belum menemukan kita..satu hari nanti, kita pasti jumpa..cuma kita tak tahu bila kah waktunya..Kerna sy masih menanti sesuatu di lorong itu, sementara awk dah nampak apa yg awk cari.."


Setakat ni, hanya dgn die aku rasa selesa yg amat sangat..almaklumlah aku ni mmg nmpk friendly dan happy go lucky, tp utk berbicara dr hati ke hati..memang susah..huhu...

kini, aku cuma doakan die bahagia dgn "teman" die skrg, dan akan cepat2 jmp apa yg die cari dlm hidupnya..

Overall, suatu masa dahulu, aku pernah save nama die sbg "my soulmate" dlm hp aku, walaupun kami tak pernah bersama..ya, aku kesal kerna menolaknya dulu..
Dan bila aku bilang, "awaklah satu2nya org yg saya teragak2 utk tolak dulu.."
lalu dia jawab.."terima kasih"..

question marks?????

Its a day..
Seems breathtaking and fantastic..
Accordingly with the past..
But the sunny day has turn into cloudy..
Yet waiting the rain to pour..
But somehow, its not the dogs and cat’s rain..
So, the feelings gone..
Swaying with the windy air..

Haih..i don’t even know myself..what is actually happening here..what the hell is wrong with me…to be honest, the idea din turn up at all, yeah..Since last Thursday the tornado came swweping all around my boiling heart…Sometimes, the wind stop but it wont stop for so long..It will continue…and never give up to continue..Thats the problem here..

Here is my conversation in me…

Me: haaiiyaakkk…Am I going crazy?

Me2:yeah.. u must be as crazy as spinning tornado..

Me: why the hell me being this crazy…What have I done wrong?As far as I can recall, this is the week that I think I’ being a good one..like the geek..

Me2: Perhaps it’s the connection with “someone” I didn’t even know…Oh by the way, last Sunday I have met my so called brother that is in trouble..He might be the one who needs me the most..he was so down..

Me: But what is so wrong in earth that I am still trapped?Perhaps it’s the “king cobra”?

Allah, just please give me some guide to clean my mistake..or if it its someone “far” who needs my help, please give me some idea on how to contact him/her…And if its about someone I haven’t met yet, please arrange our meeting ASAP so that I an help..And if let say its someone very near but I cant barely see him/her , please give me some instinct so that I can help..

Me2: What if you yourself that needs help?????????



Aih, allah knows it welll and please for thousands of times, I ask u to please hear my “prayer” and please make it come true…amin…

Take care everybody..pleasee forgive me if I cannot make it to visit your page in the meantime…take care..mmuuuaahhh…gud nite!!!

* Allah please grant my sister's wish..please give another better offer so that she's gonna be someone she wanted to be...amin...

feelings on friday 13th ...

Hr ini hr jumaat...
someone said...
"eemm...today is friday kan...thirthteen is it?....eemm...friday the thirthteen..jarang ada kan?"
aku jb,"eemm..haah..very rare..hehhe"

aduhai....
ngapela hr ni rasa bosan...
rasa kosong..
rasa sunyi...
rasa sepi...
rasa hilang...

tiba2 aku tringat suara gemersik sayu si diddy AF dgn lagunya "hilang" tu...

aih..ni pndpt aku sndiri...
dulu aku dgr2 ...
kalau kita rasa sepi, sakit dan sayu dlm hati...mungkin org yg "jauh tp dekat" dgn kita ada masalah...atau dlm kesusahan..atau mungkin tgh sedih...atau mungkin org tu tgh tidak sihat...
kita2 ni mybe call it "ada connection"...

mengapa aku rasa begini?
adakah seseorg yg jauh itu belum kukenali?
atau mungkin telah lama kutinggalkan?
adakah seorg kawan?teman?sahabat?atau saudara mara?atau juga munkinkah bakal sahabat?atau bakal teman jiwa?atau mungkin bakal teman di akhirat nant...?
atau adakah antara 7 saudara kembar ku yg punya muka serupa dgnku?atau adakah bakal musuhku?(mintak simpang malaikat la nk buat musuh ni..hehhe)

*********************************************************************************


alamak..aku br tau blog x dibenarkan..muahahhahha...
ok...have a nice weekend everybody..tata

kata2 itu doa, kan?

adeh..
adeke patut....??
ish2 ish2...

sorry2 lambat update..asyik2 mintak sorry..kan best kalu mintak kucing ker..mintak astro MAX ker..mintak naik gaji ker..macam2 la...

anyway, its been very busy latelybusy like a bz bee..heehee...semalam ct hntr adik pi politeknik..kat sabak bernam...aduhai...ntah rasa jauh betul...dr jalan besar nk masuk ke dlm jer dah 20 km......uwwaaa...rasa mcm tak smpai2...dahla tak tau jln pi sana..hr sabtu the whole day pi survey jln..sakit pinggang walaupun dok sblh driver jer...mlm tu ade kenduri arwah kat umah sepupu...nak tak nak mesti kene tolong dan layan2 orang kan...situ dah letih dah..aih..then, smlm pi hantaq sendiri...drive sendiri..lagila terasa...aduh..ahad pulak, ntahla mcm2 la kan...namanya pun kehidupan..hehhehe...

eh, tp lately kan ...
ada satu perasaan yg ct rasa..
seperti byg2 yg tak kelihatan...
tak tahu kepunyaan siapa..
tak tahu byg2 apa..
tiada bentuk rupa mahupun bau..
sesunguhnya ia satu perasaan yg sangat sayu..
sangat sepi....dingin dan mersik sekali..
bagai satu bisikan..

tataplah sedikit karya kecil dari hati jiwa ct pada saat ini..bacalah dgn ikhlas dan dengan penuh perasaan...bayangkan sedang mendengar nyanyian ramli sarip yg bercorak ketuhanan tu..tajuk mintak maaf ct tak ingat..tp ct ingat sikit2 lirik die..." kaulah yg maha pengasih.kaulah yg maha penyayang...tiada tuhan...lalalala...(ct dah lupe..mintak maaf..)


tuhan...
aku pohon simpatimu..
leraikan apa yg terselirat di situ..
agar disini kan rasa terlepas dari seksanya...
kau maha pengasih..
kau lah yg maha penyayang..
demi jiwa kami..
aku bermohon..
titipkanlah rasa selesa itu...
pada mereka yg sedang hanyut dalam gelora ego..
biar jiwa2 itu lega..
semoga kau tiupkanlah tempias senyuman dari sini.
lansung berterbangan disana dgn girangnya..
cumalah sekadar doa..
dari aku pemerhati dan perasa..
kerna walau kulihat mereka ketawa..
kutahu hati mereka sebenarnya butuh cahaya..
satukanlah hati2 mereka berempat..
biar lepas dari gelang sepi..
walau riuh rendah luarnya..
tuhanku..
hambamu pohon kabulkan permintaan hati2 mereka..
kerna ku percaya.
mereka mahukan "sesuatu" yg sama sebenarnya...
turunkanlah keajaibanmu..
untuk mereka..
kasihaniah mereka..
lindungilah mereka..
berilah kebahagiaan baru nan kekal abadi kpd mereka..
kabulkan permintaan ku ya allah..
amin ya rabbil a'lamin..

*aku percaya kata2 itu adalah doa..maka sesiapa yg membaca entry ini aku kira telah turut membaca doa yg hati kecil ku ini karyakan...dgn itu, aku turut mendoakn semoga allah yg maha kuasa memperkenankan doa kalian.amin ya rabbil alamin...

sesungguhnya kata kata itu adalha doa kan?

hehhehehehe

assalamualaikum...
sorry lama x update..ct demam seminggu hr tu..ni br je baik..hehe
life goes on as usual..
kemalasan bgun pagi...
kesejukan dlm ofis..
kegairahan aku pada klcc...

well, sblm aku started working, while still looking for jobs,
aku selalu sembg2 dgn my familiy...
i said, "i wanted to work near klcc...
so that everyday i can see the building..
my gosh, i'm just too obsess of the building...
ntah kenapa ntah...

pastu, ditakdirkn 1 hari aku dpt interview dkt2 area situ gak la..
then aku ckp, "alamak...cmne ek?
along minat klcc, sbb lawa kalu tgk dr jauh"...i mean from bird view la kiranya...
my mom said"dah tu, kerjala kat klcc...in that building lagi...better.."
guess what i replied??
i said,"xmaula kat dlm building tu..if in that particular building, nnt xdpt la nk tgk die yg lawa tu...dah dok ada dlm tu kn...just nk dok dkt2 ngn die n maybe bleh tgk die dr tingkap"

mummy ckp"ish, mcm2 la die ni....xpaham betul, kalu suka kan better duduk dlm klcc tu...but its up to u anyway.."followed by a giggle...hehehe

then, deep inside my heart said.."emmm..tht make sense..its me who doesnt make sense most of all the time actually...ahhahahhahah"

my own key points:
1. Kalu kite memiliki "sesuatu"(terpulang kpd tafsiran masing2) , kita akan kehilangan "sesuatu" yg lain...Eg frm the story, xdpt nk tgk pemandgn klcc itself, if u work inside it..
2. Kalu kita mahukan sesuatu yg indah, cukuplah jika dpt melihatnya sahaja dr jauh kerna kdg2 pemndgn itu lebih indah drpd memiliki...hehhhehe

*its my own perception, kalu x sependpt, jgn bangkang ek..heheheh

anyway, ofis ni bg gaji tghj2 bulan, 15 hb...jenuhla aku menunggu..hehhehe..Bonus pun dpt tgh tahun..org lain br je dpt, aih...xde rezkila nk raya ngn bonus thn ni...hehhehe...anyway, the environment so far, "satisfied"...

till then, take care...

dan oh ya...aku kerja betul2 dpn klcc..everyday nmpk klcc..tpp x bleh nmpk dr tingkp ofis sbb ofis aku tgkat dua..so, everytime aku keluar ...early morning and in the evening, akan nmpk la si klcc yg aku minat tu..ekkekekke

kerja..kerja..yeay..

yeehhhhahaaaa....

my first day working in this new company...
my feeling, okay...
my mind, okay...
my body, okay...
my energy, okay...
my health..tak okay...semalam demam...huhu:(

well, aku hrp aku akan suka kerja baru ni..dan akan terus suka la..dan seterusnya juga suka..
dan suka..dan suka lagi..hehehhe....

lagi satu, aku harap dapat bonus byk akhir tahun nanti..
then, harap jugak kenaikan gaji yang banyak..
dan aku harap aku suker..dan suker...
dan hepi...dan gembira...ehheheh

today, hati aku berbunga2 walaupun xbyk bunga yg aku nmpak kat ofis ni...

What do we name it?

Name it something..
Melt the hope..
Curiosity that ends the words
Merge the free thoughts
Come clean upside down..
Speak on behalf of mind
Consciously fought the responsibilities

Does it time to be free?
Frowning and grinning..
Dancing and Singing..
Swimming in the air..
Grumbling devotion..
Its necessity..
It’s the wants..
It’s the simple “ask”..
Lifting up the loaded..
Of life and life..

Get nosy on “those” life..
We’re just blind..
Know we’re here..
But didn’t feel to be here..
The destiny is there..
But as what?
For what?
With what?
Spells the beans that nobody hears..
Tells the story that nobody knows..
Scream it loud that nobody listens..
Its not me when it has to be me..
Its not what I want when I have to..
Its not my time whenever its time..

Do it..
Make sure its done..
But its all we have..
Do for the sake of not being selfish..
Coz you are definitely..
Unquestionably not alone in the air..
That requires you for not being selfish..
As being alone in this whole air is just..
Just nothing much as nothing..
That why they call it “life”..

dan dgn perasaan

aku kaku..aku seolah sebak..dan sayu..tiba2 aku rndu...
lama sudah kutinggalkan suara itu..

mungkin kerna aku berbicara dgn temannya..
maka aku dihambat rasa rindu..yg jauh..

lalu ku angkat gagang telefon dan mendail number die..
suasana spt di atas motor..aku malas mahu bercakap..
sikit lagi nk sampai rumah, katanya..
kutunggu sehingga enjin motor dimatikan..

dan perbualan hati itu bermula...
berayun...dan berirama...
hingga satu saat, aku hiba..
hampir menitiskan air mata..
mungkin dia di sebelah sana tidak tahu..
ah..biarkan aja..aku selesa begini..

kutanya "apa yg plg awk syg dlm dunia?"
jawabnya.."ada 2..awk org kedua yg sy pernah beritahu..
pertama..org yg sy syg dn kedua, org yg sy syg yg dah tiada.."
"macam awaklah..", sambungnya lagi...
kutanya.."saya?" dan dia menjawab..."ya..org yg saya sayang.."

giliran dia bertanya..kujawab..
"apa yg sy plg syg ialah perasaan.."
dibalas olehnya.."oh..perasaan..emmm, besar maknanya"
mungkin sy boleh buat satu puisi mengenai perasaan..."

topik demi topik kami bualkan..
hingga aku minta diri...
bila aku rasa rindu itu sudah kulepaskan,
aku akhiri perbualan kami dgn "take care"..
dn dia akhiri dgn kata2 yg simple namun indah..

sesudah gagang kuletakkan..
aku berteleku lama di situ..
"perlukah aku beritahu bhw panggilanku itu sama ertinya dgn kata2 "i miss u..."


dan itulah pertama kali dlm tahun kebelakangan ini, aku berperasaaan dan berbual dgn perasaan dan setelah habis perbualan..aku turut masih berperasaan...

setakat ini...dia lah yg mampu menggegarkan perasaaan ini..ya...dengan perasaan...

its so yesterday..

The air is there..
The muddle is still there..
The courage will be there..
Then the audacity went away..
perceiving the most popular obsession made me laugh..
I fabricate my inspiration there..
I manufacture my trust there..
I assemble every single things in it..

However,
Yesterday was such momentous…
I lost the guts..
Bump into you is something..
Out of the blue..

brought all the memory back..
For things we all have made..
For the time we all spent…
For the enjoyment we all experience..
For the odds that we against..
The same “fight” that we fought for..

Oh..your visibility made my eyes staggered,
Your visibility made my bones to shiver
Coz u appeared with the memoirs
Reminiscences of my own people..

strangers that covert to so called "family"..
That I used to hold years before..
The people that made me believe,
Made me grin and made me smile..
And at most made me giggle…
Then they took away the smile..
Gone together with them..
Sinking deep inside the ocean..
Where I call it ocean of the memory…

It’s a confession..
The love we all shared..
Was eternity…
And still infinites..
And it will be always damn true..
That our big family love is forever..


But now..
The love is sinking…
Inside of me..
As time flies..
I begin to forget..
The existence..
When u appears,
You made me doubt too..
Whether I’ve made a right choice..
Down there on the diverged pathway..

but it was yesterday...

its so ysterday that i couldnt fetch it back..

now its time to hope..

there is a smooth grassy path up to the hill..

where i put my dream on the top...

together with the tomorrow..

all i can say is just...

"it was yesterday..."

"so yesterday..."

aaiiiiihhhh...

First situation

I’m just plain bored girl who thinks I am now under a surveillance of “someone”…
I want to do things that I want. Yesterday I come across this one fella. He said he wanted to do good things in life as he understood that he’s being an evil man in this wonderful life..Despite of everything, I think he is enjoying his life..and upon that, I started to think that I’m living a bored dull life. I just need might need a 400 cc of any drugs or morphine that can make my mind works all over again. After all, it’s a life taker anyway..ahhahahhah…I must have lost my sense ,huh?hehhehe…

2nd situation

I start to think that I should get to know new things..Start all over again a new life..Oh, by the way, why do I need to think of that…while daydreaming and patching my mind over and over again, this hot chick with white short skirt accidentally put her paper bag on my foot. So, all the those things faded away out of my head. Suddenly out of all noise in the train, I heard this one charming white guy say sumthing.. ”are u okay, mom?”
Yeah, I think that old lady needs this seat more than I do…So, I gave her the seat, and I caught her son’s smile..yuhuuu…hehhe..And guess wht? Lord is just very fair; the woman who sat beside that old white lady reached her station, which give a way for me to sit. There you goes, what u give, u get back..hehhe..So, while waiting the train to reach the last station whish is the same station, our destination…we had a conversation..From the conversation, I know that that charming white guy and his mom came from England.He is getting divorced, he married a malay girl which stays in Tmn Greenwood. He wants to meet his daughter. And he has a son in England now.Well, nice meeting him and his mom.. Meeting them had burst and idea to me..Am I bored bcoz I’m living the same life? Surrounds by same people? I wanna get out of Malaysia….Am I ?oh, that sounds great…

wajah baru....anti lelaki??

hehehhehe

aku angap penukaran color page ku ini sbg pertukaran "angin"ku..
kalau slama hr ni aku membawa angin monsun timur laut( betul ke spelling aku ni..?aihh..),
kini aku nk bawa angin barat daya pulak...

almaklumlah...semalam aku check online....
result aku dah kuar..alhmdulillah pass..yyeeaahhhaaa....
means, aku akan grad ..yeahh...finish degree....bleh la aku plan nk smbg master kat mana nnt..hehhe...tp first thing in my mind is....cari kerja...kerja..kijo...kroje...hehhe

dan satu lagi hal yg keep stir in my mind....
jeng jeng jeng..."berpacaran.."
keh keh keh..bolehkah aku menerima si opposite jantinaku?
adakah degree dn "masih study lagi" adalah alasanku?
is it reasonable?atau anti-lelaki kah aku?
aih..mintak simpang....rasanya bkn anti kot...sbb aku suka gak tgk lelaki2 yg "menarik" ni...(menarik- tertakluk kpd istilahku sendiri sahaja,kay..)

ok...let all the readers decide which category goes to me...

1- Bila lelaki tu tgk dr jauh, aku senyum...
tp bila dtg dekat, aku buat muka...

2- Bila lelaki "menarik" ada dpn mata aku...dr jauh, aku 'usha'..
tp bila die kenyit mata...aku buat muka..

3- Bila dpt sms dlm hari pertama, aku layan mesra...
tp bila dh hari kedua bertimbun2 dia send, aku mula rasa die ngada2...aku pun buat la muka..

4- Bila lelaki tu dtg cari ajak mkn2 sejam dua, aku ok aja..tp bila dia ajak tgk movie hari esoknya pula...aku mula buat muka..

5- Bila aku setuju nk keluar tgk wyg sama2, aku enjoy aja..tp bila die ajak keluar lagi kali kedua, aku mula rasa mcm nk buat muka...

kenapa?kenapa?

dn yg plg kritikal....Bila lelaki kata "suka", aku jwb ikhlas...aku pun "suka"...
tp bila dia kata dia mula rasa "cinta"...aku mula rasa nak tarik muka dari si dia..dan aku mula kata kat diri aku.."aduh....bahaya..."aih...

hatiku dan hatimu

muahahhahha...
kalau tgk tajuk..sakan bagai org dilambung cinta..
hehehhe...mane ader..ct sekadar gembira kerna dpt berhubung dgn org yg ct sayang..abang ct...

mlm itu tiba2 ada suatu rasa di mana entah mana hilangnya ego aku...entah mana terbangnya marahku padanya.. di dlm internet kami berbual..mula cerita bermula dgn memohon maaf dan ala2 mengundur diri..maklum lah ct dah nak meninggalkan MMU tercinta..tp entahla..hasrat dihati ingin sekali pergi jauh dari cyberjaya..bukan kerna byknya kenangan atau apa, cuma tidak mahu mengimbau kenangan manis yg terlalu byk di situ..

ah, apa2 pun, ingin sekali ku nyatakan bahawa aku girang dapat berbual mesra walau tidak semesra dahulu...till now, i am glad to hear that u have never forgotten me..

i appreciate u...yeehaaa....thank u my little bro..i bet u will always remember me when Ramadhan comes....and of course, i miss ur handphone....heheh

terputus hubungan dgn blog

salam hormat..

berita tgh hari jumat ini dimulakan dgn pemberitahuan mengapa ct pawana tidak mengupdate blognyer..hehheheh

assalamualaikum semua..miss u all la..hehhehe...sbnrnya ct dah kerja..walaupun blum habs exam.dh 2 mgu ct kerja di jln raja chulan..hehheh...sekadar menambah pendapatan keluarga..

itu psl la ct x dpt update blog..hehhe...reason lain pulak ialah umah ct dh kene potong streamyx(dgn x malunyer memberitahu..)..then, kat ofis, xbleh update la..die block..nk attach email pun x bleh.friendster apatah lagi...uwwwaaa...sangap ct dok ofis...mcm2 ct fikir utk mengatur masa dpn...doakan ct dpt apa yg ct impikan yer..ct juga doakan semua doa kalian dimakbulkan...hehhehe...hari ni dpt la ct online YM ngn update blog dari kampus..muahhahah...sbb td pagi ct ade exam.nnt humaat mgu dpn pun ade lagi 1 paper..doakan ek...mudah2an ct lulus dn trus grad august ni nnt..doakan ct dpt cari keje yg ok yerk..keje skrg ni kureng la..xde ape nk blajar..xnmpk future..huhu...anyway, alhmdulillah la jugakk..duduk saja pun dapat duit...terima kasih allah..hehhe

lagi satu..apa yg bermain di fikiran ct skrg ialah pasangan hidup..bkn psgn hidup ct,tp mana2 psgn hidu la..ct dok tgk org kehulu kehilir berteman...ade yg kuat gaduh..ade yg mencari..ade yg x menghargai..ade yg nmpk loving giler tp merana..ade yg kata tidak tp sbnrnya mahu..ada macam2 la....i just wonder how is my life in the future with my love? ade ke psgn yg bahagia sentiasa?ade ke yg serasi bersama..psgn serasi bersama pun bercerai(nurul n ajai)..tp manusia kan tak perfect...cmne ek?

p/s: eh, kalu ade sesiapa tahu mane2 comp yg nk ade vacancy, rekemen ler ct ek..hehhehe...

Yahoo msger- ct_nur6677

friendster : craftsgirl_6677@yahoo.com

akhir kata dari ct...selamat berhari jumaat..hehhehe...senyum2 selalu..take care..

makanan jiwaku

hehehheee...

kalau dikira makanan manusia..

aku makan setiap hati..tp mengapa hati ini seolah kurang tenaga?

setelah aku ke program sek@mmu perak..baru kutahu makanan jiwaku..

aku akan bertambah2 tenaga jiwa bila ku curahkan bakti pada mereka yg memerlukan..

sememangnya aku beroleh kegembiraan yg tdak terhingga..

ada kepuasan di situ..

bila dpt kuisi kekosongan di jiwa adik2 di sek men keb Ahmad Boestamam..

terasa kepuasan di jiwa..

dan bila jiwa2 kami bersatu..

aku rasakan bagai bateriku di"charge" semula..

keakraban antara barisan fasilitator..buat aku terhibur..

ketulusan hubungan aku dan anak2 didikku..

buat aku puas..sepuasnya..

kupanjat kesyukuran..

semoga semua adik2 itu berjaya semuanya..amin..

tak habis disitu..sampai saje aku dari perak..terus kami sekeluarga ke kampung di melaka pd keesokan harinya..spend the whole cuti di sana..dn kemudian kami ke bahau neger embilan..

sepanjang di kampung, aku rpt dgn sepupu ku yg sorg ni..shah namanya..sbnrnya dia anak angkat kpd pak itamku..anak yatim piatu..namun ntah mengapa, aku punya suatu perasaan dgn anak bujang 16 thn ini...ingin aku lihat dia berjaya..aku mahu dia tingga dgn aku bila ia tamat belajar nanti..kebetulan aku bw dia ke bahau..dan sepnjg cuti itu..hbngan kami akrab..memandangkan family aku br sahaja bertemu slps mummy terpisah hmpir 30 tahun, tak kusangka kami boleh sebegitu rapat..

mlm pertama dihabiskan bersama mummy, pokteh, adik dan shah di pantai..sepanjang mlm di pntai, kmdn menaiki bot laju, dan diakhiri dgn membakar ikan..so nice..it was wonderful..

seterusnya, hari seterusnya, kami ke bahau, mandi sungai ulu bendul.mlmnya, kami mengahabiskan masa dgn bermain congkak, pelbagai permainan simple dn seterusnya keesokan harinya, bertolak pulang ke melaka semula..dn petangnya, kami bermesra di laut menanti masa utk menyaksikan matahari terbenam..such a wonderful unforgetable moment..

i should say, being a facilitator was full of contentment and happy family moment was so amazing...

thats y aku bagaikan sang pujangga kehausan yang ditimpa hujan..amin..kesyukuran kupanjatkan ke hadrat ilahi..semoga semua doa2 kami dimakbulkan...

the most scary thing ever..

hari rabu lalu aku mimpi sesuatu..
the most scary thing that ever happened to me...
aku mimpi malaikat dtg ambil nyawaku...
katanya.."cukuplah smpai disini hayatmu"
dia tidak bercakap..tp seolah2 aku faham apa yg dimaksudkan..
ya allah, aku takut sgt2..
it was not like a dream..
it felt like too real..
itulah first time ever aku rasakan "kecut perut"..
selama hari ini, aku x pernah rasa..
selalu dgr ajer..

ya allah...aku terbgun pukul 3 pagi dn trus tak boleh tdur smpai siang...
sehingga kini aku masih takut nak menjejaki katil tempat aku mimpi tu..
aku ni bkn penakut orgnya..tp sejak hal ini terjadi..
it feels like ade seseorg sentiasa memerhatikan aku dimana sahaja aku berada..
sungguh tidak tenang hatiku..

ya allah..aku takuttttt.....
sangat takut......
takut sekaliii...
aku takut mati...
astagfirullahalazim...aku seram...
ya allah, pnjgknlah usiaku dn ahli keluargaku...
amin ya rabbl alamin..

aku terpikir..
pernahkah org lain alami mimpi sebegini?
bagaimanakah mereka rasakan?

entah kenapa..

entah kenapa..

sejak akhir2 ni..

aku kurang minat nk update blog..

entah kenapa..

sejak akhir2 ni..

byk sgt aktiviti dan acara weekend aku..

entah kenapa..

akhir2 ni..

aku terlebih malas nak bls sms yg aku terima..

entah kenapa..

sejak akhir2 ni..

byk pula tv series yg aku selalu tgk..habis..

sekaligus mematahkan semangat aku nak menonton tv..

entah kenapa..

akhir ni aku berat mulut..

entah kenapa..

aku juga jadi berat tulang akhir2 ini..

entah kenapa..

aku kurang perasaan akhir2 ini..

entah kenapa..

aku merasakan ada rindu dlm hati ini..

tp tak tahu milik siapa rindu itu..

entah kenapa...

akhir2 ini aku terlalu sensitive..

entah kenapa..

akhir2 ini aku senang menjadi pemarah..

entah kenapa..

akhir2 ini..aku jadi semakin gemuk..

hehhehhe...aduhai..entahla kenapa..

kematian dan air mata

hari jumaat lepas...
aku dan family bertolak ke kampung kami di port dickson untuk mengahadiri pertunangan sepupuku....perjalanan yang sepatutnya mengamil masa more or less 2 hours turned up to be around 6 hours...memandangkan hujan lebat sepanjang perjalanan dr sungai besi ke nilai...we made up our mind to stop...kami berhenti tidur di perhentian sebelah seremban...hampir 2 jam juga..then, sambung perjalanan tp tersekat juga dlm traffuc jam..again aku bersungut...i am a bad driver...no patience...then, nk dijadikan cerita, my another sepupu call.lets named her as sepupu A...juga on da way ke kampung...katanya lapar..asking us to wait for them so that we can have lunch together somewhere around PD...so, bila dh smpai nk masuk highway PD,menunngu la pulak diorg yg masih dlm kesesakan kat highway seremban..then, kita pegi mkn kat teluk kemang...masa mkn, sepupu aku ni dok gelisah...sbb kami dpt call mengatakan adik perempuan dia tgh nazak..actually, adiknya dh masuk hospital dr subuh pg td lagi..but the situation was not serious..nothing to be worried...but, around almost 10 pm, anak2 sepupu A ni sruh mkn, takut nnt masuk angin..but around almost 10 pm, anak2 sepupu A ni sruh mkn, takut nnt masuk angin..but
she refused..seolah2 ade instinct…then , bila kitorg habis aje mkn…br nk smung perjalanan, my mom dpt call dr pakngah(father of my sepupu td..)..telling us that si B dah meninggal dunia…a complication of pulmonary embolisme…firstly, dia didapati mengandung luar rahim,…which is dia sendiri pun x sedar…the fetus’s age was just less than a month…and she started to suffer from hardness to breath…the surgey went well but after a few hours, sesak nafas dia dtg balik..and right after 30 mins, she just left…she left her loving kind-hearted husband together with her years old daughter..selepas shj dpt berita, kami 2 kerete pun bergegas patah balik ke hospital seremban…while driving, my heart just couldn’t stop beristighfar….thinking of how sudden she left us…

bila sahaja kami tiba di hospital, watching his husband crying just made my heart start shaking like hell…then, around 2 am, jenazah dah settle…suami arwah tentera, jadi semua disettlekan dgn senang, atas budibicara and tentara way…so, kami konvoi 7 kereta, mengikut belakang kereta jenazah dan jip tentera…my car was right behind the jip…smpai aje kat kampong pasir panjang, anak arwah sdg tidur..aku sbnrnya tak berapa “ngam” dgn bdk2…ony certain2 kids je…plus, mmg aku dgn anak arwah x rapat…but, that night, she seems to really stick with me..the next day pun, dia keep following me…maybe is bcoz aku kesian, then aku layankan jugak bdk2 ni…sama mcm arwah sepupu lelaki aku yg meninggal 3 years ago..anak2 dia skrg rpt dgn aku..pendek akat, lps jadi anak yatim, barulah hubungan kami rapat…kalau tak.., mmmg tak…anak arwah Si B ni namanya syuhada…syuhada asyik ikut aku kehuku kehilir..smpaikan aku nk lepak dgn budak lain pun dia keep melese-lese(org melaka paham la kut) dgn aku..huhu..i feel very sad for her…pity that cute little girl…that weekend was very tiring…sabtu, kebumikan jenazah…then, lps kebumi pulak, kebetulan sepupu aku yg lagi sebelah satu lagi bertunang…my family and I was rushing here and there..luckily rmh knduri bertunang tu hnya around 10 min driving from rmh arwah…mlm tu pulak , aku turun ke rmh arwah pula..untuk tahlil…sekali lagi syuhada mengikut aku ke hulu hilir..then , lps aje kenduri, aku naik ke darat (rmh knduri brtunang)…just for slep..then esoknya, mereka nk adakan tahlil slps zohor…early morning, kami dah ke sana untuk menolong apa2 yg patut…sebelum balik ke kl ptg tu..aku sempat pesan pd syuhada untuk jg ayah dia elok2..jgn degil2..kesian mereka anak beranak..

one thing yg berlegar2 dlm fikiran aku skrg ialah…sepanjang weekend tu, aku tak menangis pun..setitik air mata aku tak tumpah pun..adakah aku ini hati kering?atau kurangkah perasaan aku sekarang?oh…I really have no idea…till then , I end my story here by wishing best of luck to both the father and his daughter…aku dgr kabar, syuhada kan ikut sepupu aku yg satu lagi.(makngah kpd syuhada) untuk tinggal di kl buat sementara…semoga syuhada tabah…semoga allah cucuri rahat ke atas arwah…

Mr Happiness

Breezing inside…
Distance from the hearts..
Awaking in the lengthy white sleep…
that i had in the forest..
Currently creating the light..
The gratification of gaze..
Eavesdrop and scent…
Everlastingly fresh
Down from the memory lane
Yet I wonders..
How would this go further…
When the butterflies rise..
The colorful dance…
The glee has begun..

Swaying in romantic mood…
In favor of had joy…
I worship the light rain…
As I knew how I would end..
Now I apprehend the compassionate I owned..
My gratefulness for your smile..
You made me smile as well..
Do I fall for u…
Years doesn’t seem an odd to them..
But it does make a difference to me..
No joke for crushing..
No love for daydreaming…
towards the tranquility...
of the camping compound..
But evoking your gentleness…
Fly me away..
From the doubt I plant ed..
From all the dizziness I endure..

I will never stop praying..
Your existence will cheer me up..
May Allah bring u close to me..
Closer and closer…
For now, tomorrow and forever..
As you are the solitary one..
The one and only…
“Mister Happiness”…

This poem I wrote specially for my MMU Cyber Silat team…as they brought me “happiness” again..hehhehe…the thirst that I felt before is now faded away….
..

nobody

nobody knows where you might end up..

nobody knows...

the day u turn into blue..

the flies that u said gross...

infinite angle of ur life...

at one point...

the hatred is soaking u..

the next point..

u're just empty...

no shot at any time..

the history...

that u loved...

was betraying u...

and u are hoping for them again..

that just suck...

the better step on ur foot..

the sucker it goes...

but being so full was not enough for u...

so, u mumble and mumble..

frawning and yelling..

but nobody knows...

nobody heard..

as never wanted anybody to know ur true feeling..

thats the best...

being so smooth like water is bored..

to be as rough as the rock is too painful..

just drag all into it..

whenever u have choice..

u refused to choose..

and when there is no choice..

u're dying to choose..

so, who's fault it is???

today u are as healthy as horse...

tomorrow maybe u have no pulse..

just nobody know where we might end up..